Welcome back to Maintain the Rage for 2018, I thank you all for coming back and allowing me the two weeks break I needed with my family and friends away from Social Media.
I like to think that things are going pretty well. I completed my Diploma of Nursing at the end of last year, I have secured a full-time job as an Enrolled Nurse at the Facility I wanted, I have a new baby girl due in the early days of April 2018, and my other two children are doing swimmingly. Yet, I feel drained, I feel apathetic, lethargic, I feel that everything is an effort and one more often not worth beginning. I am struggling.
For some of you this will come as a shock, I am not perfect. I am not right all the time, I am not the be and end all of knowledge and I don’t hold every secret or know every correct step. I think this is one of the many facets to my failing mental health. I have been running at 100% for so long, I am burnt out. I have been on, and achieving, and maintaining such a high level of everything I do, and doing a lot of things, that I am now fatigued. I am entering what should be one of the greatest moments of my career, the first time I step on the floor as a qualified Nurse, I should be ecstatic by the prospect of a new child, and by the growth of the ones already here. But instead I feel low, flat, dark, snappy, moody and otherwise unpleasant. It worries me.
Now, burn out isn’t the only culprit, there is increasing weight, failing health, low fitness, slowing momentum, unachievable goals, faith and family that all contribute to the place I am currently at. But, they all stem back to the same centralised issue. Expectation. I have a massively high level of expectation of myself to be awesome, to be the best, to achieve more, do more and be everything to everyone. But I can’t, and I shouldn’t. This expectation has led to others expecting it of me, at all hours of the day and night, on holidays, at work, at social events, wherever there is a person or mobile signal there is an expectation and most of the time its pretty damn high.
A lot of bloggers, You Tubers and any one with a Social Media presence will have posted their New Year New Me idea. I am proposing a New Year Just Me idea. The idea that the expectation I put on myself needs to be realistic, and I need to ignore the expectation of others. I need to let go and let God more in 2018, I need to accept that I am not perfect and thats OK. I need to self care before I can care for others. I need to set realistic goals for myself, in realistic timeline, and with a realistic workload. I need to be more realistic and less pipe dream.
I hope you will continue with me along this journey. The Maintain the Rage community is important, and we need to be there for each other, in the good and the bad times. If you have anything you would like to add, a struggle you are going through or a testimonial for surviving one, post it below, we would love to hear from you.
Maintain the Rage