So as my medications begin to take a better effect and I can see improvement on the anxiety front, I am faced with returning to work and the beginning of University in a couple of day. The reality of how much work I have ahead of me is starting to hit home, and I would be lying if is said I wasn’t a little nervous.
I begin my first ever job as a nurse today, Monday, on the Surgical Ward of a local private hospital. I am so excited to actually get in and get the job done, however, I am also a little nervous, and has been the centre of several anxiety episodes over the past week and a bit. I know that it centres around my own idea of how much I need to know, and the idea that I will never know enough to do my job. I also know that when I get on the floor and actually start doing my job I will fall into the groove and be fine.
The other thing that is rapidly approaching is the starting of University. Though Orientation Week is technically this week, I am working so have completed an online orientation. I am nervous about starting University. Though I have completed three Diplomas I have never started or studied at the Bachelor level. I have no doubt I would be able to do the work, but through 40 hours a week onto of full time study, things get difficult. Then throw another baby in the mix at the same time.
My Mental Health is improving. The number of anxiety episodes has reduced, even if the generalised feeling of anxiety remains. I haven’t had any suicidal ideations this week, though my mood, motivation and patience have all been low. Medications continue to change, but in an expected way this time, with the addition of more Lithium to bring me up into the Therapeutic Index.
I am struggling to live day to day with my Depression and Anxiety but I am getting there, getting back to work and starting school again will help with that. My wife, as always, continues to be may rock. And I love her more for it every day. Stay tuned next week to here how the first week of Nursing went. Until then,
Maintain the Rage