I am feeling at the lowest point for my motivation that I have felt since taking my medication. Everything is a struggle, or effort, the things I love doing are chores, and even playing with my daughter or spending time with my very pregnant wife is emotionally draining.

I know that I am exhausted from working full time again, on a roster that rotates nights, morning and afternoon shifts. I know that I am anxious with the soon to be addition of my new baby daughter, I know Uni is the niggle at the back of my head that starts every time I sit down or put my head to the pillow. But I know I shouldn’t feel this way.

I love to cook, I love to paint, I love to learn new things, I get extreme enjoyment out of seeing my children grow and succeed, or fail and learn. All of these things I know in my heart are joyous. But none of them are making me feel this way. Cooking has become nothing more that a chore. Painting has been a frustration as my hands continue to shake and tremble as soon a brush comes into contact with paint. My children have been draining and exhausting and too much to bear. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I want you all to know, that I have no thoughts, inklings or even hints towards self harm or otherwise. I have always spoken very freely about my struggles with Suicidal Ideation and, if the need arises, I will continue to. So pease do not think that this is a final note, just a call out for the community that is out there, the Ragers and the rest of the Mental Health community to share their secrets for how to keep going.

I am calling out to the community that I know to be there and strong, share your motivation tips, how you see through the dark, how you gain enjoyment from life itself. I am struggling to do this myself and need your help.

Maintain The Rage,

Luke Sondergeld