I received you letter and thought it pertinent to issue a reply. I would like to start by saying thank you for continuing to provide the medication that is both prescribed and needed. I am aware of the events of the past several months and wish to convey my viewpoint and hope that I am able to provide you with some sort of understanding as to my actions and subsequently the feelings you have been experiencing.
The sense of dread you have experienced on several occasions over the preceding months is perfectly rational when you consider the circumstances I am working under. You have insisted on signing up to almost everything that you can, supporting people whom you barely know in the hope of improving the community in which you exist. Though this endeavour was, and still is, noble, it had placed a large amount of stress on me. In my effort to afford you all the available information you required, I was working overtime. This lead to the constant fear of whether or not I was right, if I remembered the information correctly, what was coming next, and the weight of responsibility of the positions you had nominated yourself for. Quite frankly sir, the sense of dread you felt was the most minor of reactions anyone would consider under the circumstances.
Apathy is defined as a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. What you are experiencing is actually exhaustion. You have been asking me to work at my full potential, day and night, for too long. Even on down time you would demand I absorb large volumes of information in the quest for supremacy. Instead of sleeping you would engage with those just waking up halfway across the globe. You would demand multi-tasking at a caliber that would make most computers blush. You simply asked too much, and the current level of ‘apathy’ is nothing more than a forced vacation on my part. The weight gain, you so referred should be geared equally by both parties. You requested me to work at a high level, that requires food and energy which is quick and readily available. That did mean taking some shortcuts and sometimes overindulging, you should talk to the eyes and stomach about the last point. As for inactivity, even a workhorse must be allowed to rest, lest we live out an Orwellian existence. I do, however, agree that a level of fitness needs to be maintained, for both increasing work fitness and general health.
The lack of focus you have been experiencing is a response to fatigue and mental exhaustions coupled with some of the dulling effects that are noted with the medication so prescribed. The caffeine you have been imbibing has done little more than make a slightly more alert zombie. You cannot expect to attach a rocket to a corpse and call it superman. I suggest we endeavour to actually maintain a healthy sleeping pattern, or at least sleep the recommended amount, no more and no less. I would also suggest narrowing the field a little. You already work as a full time shift working Nurse, a Father of three, a Husband, a full time student for your Bachelor of Nursing, a Scout Leader, a Blogger, and you still take part in more than three committees. SLOW DOWN! Any three of these would send most people off the rails.
As for the thoughts surrounding mortality and finality. These were at a time where I could not see a way out of the cycle you had put us in. I knew that continuing as you were would eventually cause harm to someone else and I couldn’t allow it. I did not mean to scare those around us, especially our mother, with these thoughts. I hope that your actions do not place me in such a precarious position again.
I need to suggest a couple of things for both our sakes;
- Less ‘stimulation’ – you take on too much, let some of it go
- More down time – enjoy life, spend time with the kids, read a book for pleasure
- Less caffeine – we both know we are kidding ourselves, lay off the sixth cup
- Less food – you eat well, but you eat too much of a good thing
- More sleep – it’s good for you, it’s good for me, lets just lay down and do what comes naturally
- More exercise – frankly a five minute walk is 5 minutes more then we do currently
- Less yes – say Yes a little less often, I think that’s how we got into this mess
- Less pressure – you place an inordinate amount of pressure on yourself, lay off once in a while
I hope this letter brings to a close the issues you have with me. I trust that we can put this animosity behind us and push forward into the long and bright future ahead us. Stay in touch.
Maintain The Rage
The Brain of Luke Sondergeld