Being a parent is difficult, you need to be a; taxi driver, chef, nurse, teacher, disciplinarian, psychologist, launderer, cleaner, alarm clock, personal assistant, earn a living, and somehow keep it all together. This is made more difficult when you add a large dose of Depression on top. It doesn’t change what you do, just how much additional energy goes into achieving it all.
I love my children. I really do. Having a 15 year old son and two daughters under three is challenging at times as you have one deciding which career he wants and learning how to drive, one learning how to use a toilet, and the other who only just worked out whose face is Mum and Dad. I enjoy spending time with all of my children. What I find difficult on a day to day basis is getting the motivation to get up and spend the time with them, engage on their level, and maintain the patience to deal with them. It takes a great amount of energy to get down to the floor and watch my daughter spend 10 minutes putting together a four piece puzzle. But I know she isn’t going to be this young for long, and she needs the time with me. I sometimes have the ability to push through the molasses that is my depressive apathy, and engage, but not as often as I would like.
I know that my children, and indeed all children, test our patience, whether with school work, chores, disobedience, crying, sooking, or just generally being children some days. I used to have a great amount of patience for my children. I used to be able to out last their tempers, their moods, or their tears. But now I find myself trying to escape the situation, or expedite the completion of the tantrum just so I can have some peace and quiet. I sometimes even get to the point whereby I give into my children demands as it is easier than dealing with the fallout. A great short term solution, but creates so many problems later down the track.
My medication has helped me in some ways. The Sertraline that I am currently on has given me some relief from the molasses, it now resembles honey. The Lithium has stabilised my moods so my irritation and anger are less prevalent, but not completely removed. And the Mirtazipine has enabled me to sleep, which is completely necessary to deal with my household full of early risers. The psychological help, teachings, and techniques have also been useful. If not for actual physical strategies, at least identifying my thought processes and how to curb them to a more positive tone.
The journey will be a long one, like all parents I will continue to be challenged by my little cherubs. I am glad to have my wife, Alinta, by my side through my mental health journey and life as a whole. Parenting may be hard, but I wouldn’t trade it in for the world.
Maintain The Rage