Three months ago I wrote about goals that I wished to achieve in the near future in a post called Fixing a Headmark. As I go into 2019 I am compelled to not have so many goals as to have a way forward, two weeks ago I wrote about my desire to lose weight in the post Setting Goals. Both of these posts are still 100% relevant and correct, and this post is not designed to overwrite them or contradict them. Instead it should be seen as complimentary.
Life can become complicated at the best of times. Most Husbands and Wives are juggling work, children, each other, the household, bills, social interactions and expectations, health and fitness, and any other pressures they decide to add on top. I know in the past I have added way more stressors then I probably should have done. I was working, being a husband, a father, a scout leader, a student, a mentor, developing a peer support program, piloting a nursing society at University, maintaining social circles, blogging, and somehow in all of that managing to sleep and get through the next day. All of that eventually took its toll. As long term readers are aware of, for others my journey through depression starts about here.
Out of all of this I had no choice but to simplify my life, and go on medication and receive ECT. Now I am still most of the things listed previously but, i only work 8 shifts a fortnight not 10, I am not trying to pilot new programs, I haven’t been a scout leader for over 8 months. I had no choice but to simplify things. Even interactions with friends and family. I try and make sure that I am taking the time to recharge myself before I engage with others. I have stopped trying to impress everybody. I have stopped trying to be everything for everyone. I have just decided to be me.
To some people this may seem selfish. To others this will come across as nothing more than giving up. It is however, neither, it is an attempt to survive another year and come out a little better not just scraping through. To aid in this I have been taking time to self care. This has been through little things like taking the time to read my bible every day and have some quiet time with God, I attend a small group on Fridays called Anchor, but most importantly I say NO. If I am not up to something, or don’t believe I will positively benefit the event, I will say No.
I hope that the struggles of 2018 stay exactly where they are, and 2019 will be the wonderful year I know it can be. I hope and pray that all of you will have a great New Year and your goals, dreams, and wishes come to fruition.
Maintain the Rage